This Life
by PhoenixTears55
Summary: Clark contemplates on past decisions and comes to term with the life that he has chosen. Clana. 6.27.2006 Complete.


Note: Thanks to **litafox** over at Sweet for the idea.

He was nervous. Anyone in his vicinity could tell by the way that he was shredding his napkin that he was nervous. And by all means, he had the right to be. After all, he had just had lunch with his ex-girlfriend and the greatest love of his life.

Her name was Lana Lang. She was the one that got away. Although, he supposed, she didn't think of it that way. He was the one that left, not the other way around.

Still, she got away. She wasn't his any longer. He wasn't hers any longer either.

She belonged to his heart. His heart belonged to the world. It would never work. It never did.

Or maybe it did. Maybe this was the way it was supposed to work. She was supposed to be the one that got away. And he was supposed to be the one that let her go.

He couldn't believe his eyes when he first saw her on the television set in the news room of the Daily Planet. There she was, beautiful as ever. Successful as ever.

Once he recovered from his shock, he grabbed the nearest yellow pages and called up the hotel that she was staying at. The news bulletin that he had just received on his desk listed the name of her hotel.

He lied to the receptionist, pretending that he was to conduct an interview with the breakthrough fashion designer, Lana Lang. It worked.

His ears must have been deceiving him when her voice came on the other line. "Hello?"

"Hello?"

"Lana?"

He heard her pause. "Clark."

He quickly agreed to have lunch for her the following day.

He only saw her for half an hour before she apologized and headed off to conduct a real interview with an amateur reporter from the Daily Planet.

In those thirty minutes, she answered every single question he had been burning to ask for the past ten years.

Was she married? No, single. But happily single, she reassured him.

Was she living her dream? Career-wise, yes. Personally, no. She was still searching for someone, but she was fine spending Friday nights walking her dog.

Was she proud of him? Proud enough to tear up and lean over to kiss him on the forehead.

Was she glad to be able to leave Smallville behind? Yes and no. She missed it and the memories that it held. Sometimes she wished that she could turn back time. Then, she would remember how suffocating it would be to be stuck in the past.

Was she still searching for herself? No, she had found herself years ago. The day that she let him go.

He must have asked a dozen more questions. But there was only one question that meant everything to him. This question was the one that would determine if he had made the right choice. Not for him. Not for the world. For her.

Was she happy?

"Clark..." She gave him a poignant smile. "There are so many ways that I can answer that question. I could say that I have no regrets, but that would be a lie. I sometimes find myself wishing that life could have turned out differently, you know? But then, the day that I let you go, I realized something. This was the path that I had chosen to take. I can't change that, and neither can you." She paused and reached for his hand.

"So stop trying to change that," she said softly, squeezing his hand. "I made the decision to let you go and now I have to live with that. I was bitter at first. But then I learned to live with it. I'm still trying to, but eventually, my trying will be so natural that it will just be me trying to live life to the best of my ability. That's all that I can ask of myself. And that's all that you can ask of me."

"I'm content, Clark. Not happy yet. But someday, I will be. Just trust me, that's all I ask. Trust me like I trusted you."

He nodded.

"Goodbye, Clark."

Had he made the right choice? So many restless nights he would ask himself that. Never had the answer come so clear to him.

In this life, yes, he had. Maybe the alternative would have been better. He would never know.

He made the choice to sacrifice his heart for the world. And now he had to live with that. He could either fight this life that he had chosen, or he could live it to the best of his ability. That's all that he could ask of himself and that's all that he could ask of her.

Suddenly, he wasn't nervous anymore.


End file.
